PALEO-FESTIVALS

Well, summer is festival season with the standard celebrations of music, food and the arts so for a change of pace we decided to dig back in the paleo-archives to find out the kind of festivals that were held back in the good ol’ days of way back. Here’s a sample of what we found;

Gatineau Pleistocene Balloon Festival (Festival des Mammoth-gonflées):

Paleo-aboriginals stitch together skins of large mammals caught and killed along the edge of the retreating glacier, fill them with hot air and take to the sky! Mammoth and whale balloons tend to be the most popular. Don’t forget to try the local delicacy - capelin poutine - deep fried capelin topped with cheese curds and hot grey clay gravy! (Due to last years unfortunate accident, narwal balloons will no longer be permitted.)

All-You-Can-Eat Permian Trilobite Festival:

Come on down to the ever-receding beach and taste those delectable marine arthropods prepared in so many different ways; trilobite bisque, trilobite thermador, trilobite au gratin, grilled trilobite pygidium on the half shell or crack open that old favourite - boiled trilobite dipped in garlic butter! Mm-mm, yummy! Quantities are limited so hurry on down while supplies last and enjoy them before they go extinct.

Neanderthal/Cro-magnon Sportsman’s Hunting and Fishing Show:

All the latest equipment and accessories; spears, clubs, bow & arrows, hooks and more! There will also be demonstrations on megafauna hunting techniques, mammoth butchering, flint knapping, bow making and hook carving. Special guest speaker: Öetsi the Austrian mountain-man will give a presentation on “How to cross the Alps on just 4 voles a day.” Plus a killing zoo for the kids - children get to stab, beat and stone to death lame defenceless animals tied to a stake. Fun for the whole family!

Sponsored by: Clovis & Folsom - Manufacturers of fine flint spear and arrow heads since 20,000 B.C. “Clovis & Folsom - Make every shot count!”