Not just another pencil: Computer-mediated communication from a senior's point of view.
How are the old folks using this amazing medium?
Each person has his or her own definition of what a senior is. Age varies with every survey, but old folks know who they are and that's sufficient. To say everyone over 65 is a senior leaves out a lot of people who have retired from their usual work and consider themselves to be senior citizens as early as 50.
Those of us who were adults during the Second World War share a "been there, done that, and still interested" point of view and there's no doubt we are old, though there are still those who insist they aren't. In fact, we keep discovering people who pretend they are young and think that seeming to be young is essential. The expression "young at heart" presupposes that it's preferable to being "old at heart". A popular magazine previously called "Seniors" delivered a similar message when it suddenly became "Forever Young".
Despite all this adoration of youth, and despite the renewed global turmoil, this time of life is still interesting for the online seniors. Even if osteoporosis, Parkinson's, arthritis, thrombosis, cancer or stroke come along to make it more difficult, they can still get around on the Internet. That's where the reciprocal benefits come into play.
Online means accessing the Internet. This includes private e-mail, chat rooms, all the Web sites and newsgroups maintained in places where anyone in the world can read them.
The Internet consists of individual computers connected by cable or phone line to a local area network (LAN) which is connected by routers to one or more wide area networks (WAN). Using cables, telephone wires, satellite links, fiber optics and microwaves the WAN is connected to backbones of the same which crisscross the civilized world. Maps of these Internet backbones are available on the Internet for any interested person to study. At first glance they appear to be in total disarray but are actually so established that if one backbone breaks down, for any reason, others will come into use.
Being online means using, or contributing to, the content of information conveyed by means of this complex computer-mediated communication system. Needing no special insights into the complexities of how it works, we are privileged to be able to leave these details to technicians while we just enjoy the results.
Using e-mail is a snap; anyone can do it. As for putting up Web sites, all it requires is a basic knowledge of hyper text markup language (HTML), which seems not to present too much of a challenge. Itıs just a matter of writing down instructions between angle brackets to determine text size, colour, style and position. Beyond that, there are hyper links that are as easy to learn as reading a road map.
Some folks use Web editors or fit their Web sites into preset templates that are found all over the Internet, but those who have mastered all the other methods of communication over a long lifetime can usually adapt to HTML.
Rony Aoun, a young computer student at Carleton, explained it to me one evening after which we published HTML the Basic Book for people who would rather do it than read about it. This little primer has been sold in Ottawa computer stores, used in the High Schools, and is still available on the Internet.
Senior netters tend to set their own boundaries where their interactions with the Internet are concerned. They belong, individually, to all sorts of boards and organizations and may have moved mountains in earlier years, but these affiliations do not control their Web activities. The freedom of the Internet has no racial, religious, professional, age or national borders. The Internet community brings like-minded people together unhindered.
The old folks we find to be most at home on the Internet are also at ease with one another. Common experiences of this group put them all in the same category of having lived in several worlds in one lifetime. The development of computer mediated communication expands our common horizons, providing our generation, even those who are housebound, with a means of taking part in a world community.
With telephones we can always talk with our friends and neighbours if and when they are at home. With print, radio and television we read about, listen to and watch the world as it is presented to us. With the Internet we participate in our own time at our own speed.
Though the Internet constituency is an extremely small portion of the worldıs total population, as other media feed off the Internet it has become a primary source of news and information. Corresponding by e-mail with hundreds of my peers for almost ten years, I have asked many of them how the Internet has changed their lives. They reply variously. The following interjection, and similar quotes throughout this chapter, have been received from seniors who use the Internet. Those who wrote these remarks will recognize them although the names and locations are often changed, or omitted, to protect their privacy.
"Four years ago my youngest son gave me a computer. I knew absolutely nothing about a computer or the net. It was overwhelming at first. Then I began to learn a little more each day until I could travel all over the world and never leave my chair. I would stare in amazement at this window to the world and knew I possessed a freedom I had never known before.
"Then, I found the chat room and begin to make friends. Since this was a new adventure for me I had to learn a whole new way of communicating with others. I didn't know how to type or spell and I knew if I wanted to chat I would need to learn. It influenced and encouraged me to go back to school.
"I now have my diploma and have the computer to thank for my accomplishment. I doubt seriously that I would have ever gone back to school without the desire to chat and make friends on the Internet.
"I have raised six children and have thirteen grandchildren. I have been married to a wonderful man for thirty three years. I wouldn't take anything for my experience with the computer and net. It has brought me a lifelong freedom I will enjoy for many years to come. I will be able to teach my grandchildren and encourage them toward a higher education."
Senior citizens tend to maintain distinct priorities, taking a different overview of most matters, including public affairs. With the advantage of a peculiar wisdom only achieved by experience, they do not always agree with popular, media-driven, opinions. This would seem trivial were it not for the fact that with each passing year their numbers increase until now seniors represent a huge proportion of the population. Because we live longer and families are smaller than they used to be, the senior view will soon become the majority view.
The current minimal representation of elderly people in government and management accounts for the wisdom deficit among those decision-making bodies, which arbitrarily dismiss members on predetermined birth dates. The Internet, however, has become a perpetual two-way channel for senior expression as well as edification.
Though often called "third agers," pejoratively akin to the now defunct label "third world," the elderly people who use the Internet for socializing, learning and teaching are the fastest developing demographic group on the World Wide Web.
"I am 64, a widow for 7 years, have 2 children, 3 grandchildren. I have a master's degree in Adult and Community Education and spent most of my career teaching in the area of adult literacy and basic education. At present I teach occasional classes in study skills through the University. The Internet has had an enormous impact on my life by opening it to experiences and possibilities I never would have dreamed of just a few years ago. I would say the greatest influences have been e-mail and the chat rooms."
Following my request for opinions of old folks using the Internet for friendly contact around the world, the responses flooded into my mailbox, and still do. The following respondent emphasized that perseverance pays off, and that this age group appreciates the old fashioned virtues of courtesy and respect.
"Being older meant having a good degree of perseverance and little by little I got acquainted with operating the darned thing. On my early server, I made a lot of friends and acquaintances with whom the hours flowed by. Some became serious friends in spite of the slow pace of any operating system in the early days. After a couple of computer upgrades, I blundered into a chat room for people of my age or generally retirees. More friends, more pals. The older folks had the grand gift of treating each other with great courtesy and respect."
Most of the respondents were women, but this next was another gentleman who was very methodical with the classification of his contacts.
"I am a communicator, and the Internet has expanded my horizons in that field. Through message boards, mature chat rooms, and e-mail, I have increased my number of friends since I got the computer four years ago. The 2,000 new friends reside in 43 countries, and their ages range from 6 to 96. Prior to discovering cyberspace, I employed amateur radio since the age of 13. But the computer is a much broader social spectrum, requiring no cumbersome antenna, no license, and there is no fading or static. It is visual as well as verbal."
The Internet industry has recognized the significance of seniors on the net for the past few years. In June 1998, Microsoft set up one of its largest corporate exhibits at an American Association of Retired Persons convention, highlighting the computer industry's new interest in the elderly. NUA researchers had been warning that marketers who fail to recognize the growing convergence of seniors online were missing out on one of the Internet's fastest growing groups.
"My horizon is now so broad and the variety of friends so enjoyable that my life has changed forever. I'm hoping to keep meeting them face to face but even if I can't move from my house I can talk to people in many countries. I am never lonely -- if I feel blue, I just log on and chat. I can get sympathy, recipes, gossip, world affairs and help with my computer problems. I just log on to the World Wide Web, check the NASA site for Astronomy pic of the day regularly and of course -- the horoscopes."
Not many people set up Web sites for their dogs, but this Ontario woman did just that, having already organized sites for her family and her church.
"I first became interested in the Internet in March of 1996 and the driving force for this was my interest in genealogy. Shortly after getting connected to the net I stumbled upon the WBS genealogy chat, I chatted there for a few months, long hours every day.
"Everything I know about the Internet and home pages has either been taught to me by my Internet friends or garnered by myself because of something I wanted to be able to do. At one time I even tutored at www.puter-school.com.
"I've spent many hours on the Internet, probably too many, because I find it just so interesting and informative, I don't spend quite as many hours a day though as I did in the beginning. I have done four home pages: my genealogy page, my personal page, a page for our church and one for our new schnauzer pup, just because the opportunity was there."
Senior netizens learn and then they teach:
"I have just completed a BTh degree at one of the Australian universities and I did quite a bit of research on the net. As yet I haven't made myself a Web page, partly because I don't seem to have the time. I tend to come onto the net twice a day for short periods, 50 minutes or less.
"One extra thing that I have used the net a lot for in the past, is the chat rooms. I have made some very nice friends, whom I will probably never see, in the chat rooms. My bookmark file seems full so there must be a lot more things that I do.
"I also use the net when necessary to get information for some young friends who are doing projects at their local school. Because of my commitment to the Internet, once a week I teach at our local library. I have chosen to teach people of my own age group as I believe that as a communication device, the Internet is really what I thought the global village was all about. It is my earnest intent to have as many old people computer literate, especially with e-mail and the Internet as is possible".
Most of the old folks with active Web sites also provide various valuable services. Volunteering their skills, talents, and time, some elderly netters are putting up sites for non-profit organizations, churches, lodges, and other useful endeavours.
Mary lives way out in a rural area of Virginia and retirement was very hard for her to get used to, mostly due to a lack of social stimulation.
"Getting connected to the Internet really helped me immensely as far as getting acclimated to my new lifestyle. It provided me with endless research resources for anything I found interesting. It made it possible for me to chat with my children who are scattered around the country. I actually found that I talked with them much more with impromptu chats on ICQ whenever we found ourselves online at the same time. Now, I haven't the least idea what I'd do without it. Having never been a big TV fan, I find it great that I have at my fingertips the resources to look up whatever I find interesting."
ICQ (I seek you) is a system where people can make instantaneous contact with any other ICQ user who happens to be online at the same time. Whoever is on ICQ can be "seen" to be there by anyone else, so itıs a very exposed situation but countless seniors take advantage of the quick and easy contact it provides.
Jean has fibromyalgia and on days when she is out of commission she finds her computer connection to the Internet a blessing.
"I have used the Internet for chatting, for looking up medical info, for shopping, for writing poetry, and keeping in touch with other friends who sometimes are out of commission."
Her family is also delighted that she has such a great resource to occupy her time.
Sue was 76 years of age when her husband suddenly passed away. Her children decided, in their wisdom, to present her with a computer.
"They thought, seeing they and their children were avid computer users, I should join the throng. So one day, when I returned home from shopping, there was my computer, all ready for whatever I fancied. My 13-year-old granddaughter was all too ready to induct me into the mysteries of cyberspace.
"One of the main reasons for my children's decision was that they thought it would be great if I could be in e-mail contact with them daily, if I liked. Two of my children live oceans away and indeed, this is a wonderful way for us to keep in contact and get to know our very latest news almost as it happens. That, of course, is the main use I make of the Internet.
"Then there is ICQ. I make use of it at least once or twice per day. As the years progressed I accumulated a large list of contacts. Most of my chatfriends on ICQ come from the States or Canada but I make a particular point of fostering ICQ users in my country, Australia. I also chat with people in Israel, Denmark, Norway, Switzerland, Wales and the United Kingdom. I think that all of these contacts, I actually could call them friends, are aged 50 plus, many are 60 plus and a few are over 70 years of age, like me.
"And then, of course, there are games to play. Most of these, such as the bridge program, do not necessitate the Internet, although it is possible to play it with people all over the world, should I choose to do so. And yes, I do surf the net for information also whenever required. And I send greeting cards on occasion." A grandfather in Maine states the Internet has so many aspects that it is really difficult to define. He and his wife both use it but diverge in the application. She is the chat person, while his chatting is limited. She keeps him up to date and they share many friends through this medium. He finds his usage is a continuing dialog with old friends from his military service, and they are all over the map.
"Other friends such as our old golf foursome, one who winters in Hawaii, golfing, one in Florida walking the beach, and one at Sugar Loaf Mt, still working in Maine and skiing. The Florida and Hawaii folks come back to Maine in the more moderate seasons. I also use the Internet professionally.
"I do mediation for the courts in York and Cumberland Counties. It is a devise by the State Legislature for Alternate Dispute Resolution which mandates mediation where appropriate. There are four areas, Family Disputes divorce etc.., Small Claims, Civil and Real Estate. I do the first two only. This medium (the Internet) is my scheduling contact with the courts. I don't think man (generic) has ever devised anything to rival this. And it has just begun. Where will it go?"
A retired teacher lists his various uses of the Internet, which he claims is an absolute essential to him at this stage of his life and makes his life more palatable. Here is his even dozen:
"1. Storage sites for family photos, Travel, Sierra Club Hikes.
2. Investments which I tally daily.
3. Various sites offer reminder calendars, which I utilize.
4. Greeting cards of all kinds. I use them all.
5. Many music storage sites.
6. Chat rooms provide me with quite a bit of enjoyment.
7. All the search engines are of inestimable value.
8. All my family members are on ICQ. Can't live without it.
9. I love to play bridge online.
10. Travel information essential.
11. Medicine and medical information.
12. Technical support and downloads by the hundreds."
A retired radio announcer now living in Florida uses the Internet to check his daily hometown newspaper for news of his old neighbourhood. He also uses the Internet as a shortcut to the latest national news and the daily stock market information.
"Basically, the Internet has given me more time for all my activities, which are numerous. I spend no more than two hours per day online and in most cases, less."
In his 70s, an engineer from Alaska discovered friendly and enjoyable people in the 60+chat room, including a mate for life.
"In early 1999 in this room I met a nice lady and we began to chat on ICQ. We met face to face in March 1999 at the 60+ group meeting in Las Vegas. We are now great friends and lovers though we live 1500 miles apart. We get together several times a year and last October we went to the 60+ group meeting in Nashville and then to the 60+ in Las Vegas the following year.
"I also run a joke list on the Internet for anyone interested in about 20 jokes a week - some a bit risqué but no really raunchy ones.
"For seniors and the handicapped the Internet is great. As I was in the computer business before I retired I now service computers free for seniors and handicapped people."
When sixty people over sixty who had never seen each other before gathered at a Las Vegas hotel for a weekend of fun, a bond had obviously existed among them before the reunion. The virtual bond had come about in cyberspace, which was as real as a tea party or an evening at a pub to the Internet society.
The holiday event included people in wheelchairs and some whose arthritis and osteoporosis complicated their getting around. Several were very deaf, and sight impairment was not uncommon but all these annoyances meant nothing to the gang. Most were hale and hearty, dancing, singing karaoke and seeing the sights. They had been connecting with one another for months, sometimes years, on the Internet, and this was their first time to get together face to face.
Home again, from the grand adventure, everyone was so enthusiastic that another reunion was already in the plans; next time for Florida, and there would be hundreds attending. Many would be crossing international borders and some even flying across oceans once more to take part.
Gatherings of this sort, among people who meet on the Internet, and the permanent bonds frequently made among them, have become so commonplace now that they are no longer newsworthy.
How do people form such strong friendships, unseen, and only in fragmented phrases seen on a small screen? Well, it happens. The Internet doesnıt strike everyone in the same way. This lady in the Maritimes has her own interesting view.
"When the first 60+ chat room closed down and changed locations, with new people involved, I had quit going into it for a variety of reasons. It wasn't the same for me any more. As I reflect on that particular change in my life, I believe that the combination of personalities had been the attraction for me. And when that combination was no longer there, my interest lagged. That's what I believe happened, but perhaps, as in other times and areas of my life, I no longer had that particular need.
"The real reasons for the paths our lives take are not always as obvious as we like to think. I haven't used the Internet much for reasons other than the chat. On occasion, I've searched for information in needed areas. I've ordered a few books from Amazon.com, but I wouldn't say the Internet business community will get rich from me. I enjoy the instant communication that e-mail offers me. In fact, I have little patience for the postal service. It's just too slow to suit me. Now, if I could just get the people I like to correspond with to get online everything would be just dandy!
"The only get-together that I've attended was the one in Maine in October of 1998. Last April, my husband and I took a trip with our 5th wheel to Texas and New Mexico. We spent the better part of a week with friends we had met on the Internet, then spent nearly 3 weeks traveling through New Mexico with them. There we met 8 or 9 of the other 60+ chatters.
"From the chat room experience came four or five real friendships, the kind that might last. But, I fear that without actual time spent together, these Internet friendships will eventually dissolve. I feel a need to connect with these people where I live and how I live. I need to make them a part of my real life.
"During the time that I was visiting the chat room on a daily basis, my involvement in the non-Internet part of my life became almost non-existent. Friendships of many years and my interest in other things began to lag. I was always anxious to re-connect with my new-found friends via the computer and couldn't wait to get home from outside activities to do it.
"I now have re-connected with my friends of many years, who wondered where I had disappeared to for a year or so. In many ways, it feels like I was away for that period of time.
"Evaluating that time in my life, I believe it was valuable and that the friends I met through it were meant to be a part of my life's journey. After all, life was not meant to be lived in one day, or one year.
"I haven't created a homepage and I'm not sure I want to. I'd like to have a Web site but am not too sure I'd know how to go about it. I'm not too sure I understand that yet.
"When I first realized that in the year 2000 I would be 65. I remember thinking, I'm not going to worry about that! I'll either be dead or too old to care.ı File that with all the other things I've been wrong about. That file is getting larger as the years go by."
For at least one person, the Internet and its friendly community turned out to be her lifeline.
"How the Internet has effected my life! To be perfectly honest to me, IT WAS A GODSEND. All of my life I had been a very active person. Raising six children, taking care of home, doing all my own yard work, active in several church organizations and bowling 3 or 4 leagues every year as well as working full time. I was very happy with my life until we brought my mother-in-law to live with us when she reached the stage she could no longer live alone.
"She was not a very easy person to get along with so once she was settled I became even more active in various things to stay away from the house more and more. But that ended when she suffered a stroke and I was suddenly obliged to give up all of my outside activities and stay home with her.
"About the time she had her stroke I had won $2,000 and bought my first computer and went online. Fortunately I found an e-mail group right after going online which gave me something to think of outside of myself and the problems here.
"I was terribly depressed at having to give up so much of my life to a woman I never really cared for and who had never shown any love or kindness to me. My husband and I had planned to do a lot of traveling when he retired, but thanks to her we were stuck at home and had to find a baby sitter to even get out for a dinner together once in a while. Then one of my friends in the e-mail group told me about the chat rooms and I found 60+ chat room. I really think THAT CHAT ROOM SAVED MY SANITY.
"I was on tranquilizers and antidepressants but knew that when things got really rough for me here I could escape to the chat room to joke and have fun with my cyber friends. I will always be grateful for having found 60+ with Laujack, Jade, Kiam, Lynn, drmil, Bundoon, Cliff and Paperlady, Uncle Pug and so many others. On New Years eve the first year we had a great party with those of us on the west coast celebrating a new year every hour with each group as the new year rolled over to each time zone. I think that was one of the most enjoyable New Years I ever spent.
"Also because of the Internet I did some traveling that I never would have had the occasion to do otherwise. There was the first annual get together of the 60+ crowd in Las Vegas, which was a thoroughly enjoyable occasion. Then in the summer of 97 I took an Amtrak trip all the way to PA by myself to meet with the e-mail group. I will always be grateful to the friends I found there for filling the void in my life at that time and am happy to keep in touch with some of them via e-mail. I feel that I am a better person and have a much broader outlook on the world outside my own little circle, now."
As this book was being written, the obituary of the above woman's husband was being e-mailed among her hundreds of net friends. She has received condolences from around the world; little help on a practical level, but spiritually strengthening. She knew that her old friends on the World Wide Web were still there and a few months later we were all delighted when she was back online.
Someone's grandson died tragically in a playground accident. Not only did prayers pour in from every corner of the world, including Belgium and Australia, Holland and Hawaii, but the street address of the bereaved grandmother was passed around so people could send cards and the moral support so badly needed when tragedy strikes.
The death of a child is always a catastrophe for the parents and siblings, but the grief of the grandparents can only be truly appreciated by other grandparents.
Troubles shared, successes celebrated, greetings spread about at all times of day and night, these are the values derived by that little society of old folks who "live" on the Internet through a plethora of chat programs. You happen upon one by accident, or someone suggests you have a look see, then you're hooked because the people there invite you back. They pay attention to you, and that's flattering. Suddenly, even if you live alone and seldom engage in social activities, you have a worldful of friends.
People who donıt know have been heard to say that the Internet cuts you off from the rest of the world. On the contrary, it puts you in touch, and if you happen to be elderly, and if getting out and about isn't as easy as it used to be, the Internet might just be almost the only contact you have with other people.
"I began using the Internet in 1996 when I retired. My first activities were in social chat, which captivated my attention for the better part of two years. Next, I evolved into political chat where the give and take was more to my liking but that too began to wear thin after another 18 months or so. My current interests are online games such as bridge and hearts. I spend about one hour per day on the Internet and I am getting ready to change my source of amusement. Probably I will migrate back to writing or Web page building based on my published stories. The Internet is a source of amusement for me. I am basically an outdoor person and a reader. However, I cannot tolerate down time and that is where the net offers me diversion."
When a member of the 60+ chat group discovered her cancer was incurable, she opened up a Web site where she wrote regular accounts of how she and her family were coping. Her daily journal was actually uplifting. Her spirit right up to the end was an inspiration to her friends and to strangers who happened upon her Web site. This remarkable woman's reactions to the medical interventions and the decisions she made about them were also of interest to doctors whose attention was drawn to that powerful Web site.
Another popular type of Web page is the Home Page variety which tells everything about the person, his or her spouse, children, grandchildren, family pictures, including pets, and often also hand drawings right off the fridge door, by some of their youngsters.
These non-commercial Web pages being maintained on the Internet increase the value of the World Wide Web. Almost invariably they are giving rather than selling. Their authors use Web sites to introduce themselves to the visitor, provide some interesting material, and then add links to places they feel their visitor will also find useful, or entertaining. Typically, they have time to keep adding to their Web sites, making them interesting for those who return for repeated visits, and e-mail exchanges alert everyone to new additions.
Some keen and talented story-tellers are posting detailed descriptions of the way things were done in their youth. These sites provide invaluable social history.
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