Not just another pencil: Computer-mediated communication from a senior's point of view.
Some of the senior netters engage in extensive blogging, which is a popular means of opening up and dealing with topics of specific interest. A blog, contraction of "Web log" is, as Canadian futurist Fred Thompson explains in his own Web site, "the daily or periodic personal musings of the author."
As readers respond and links are attached, a blog becomes a stream of information on whatever topic is of particular interest to the participants. Blogs can be prime sources of news and information, rivaling any other medium, depending on who contributes. The elderly, with their collective institutional memory and vast experience, are eminently qualified bloggers.
Journalism has come through substantial changes, and not only because of the means of presentation. Corporate proprietorship of mass media has shifted allegiance of news writers from the community being served to the financial requirements of absentee owners. This has profoundly affected news content and opinions expressed in magazines, newspapers, radio and television. Though the Internet has become predominantly a commercial venture, it also affords an opportunity for independent selection and interpretation of news.
Fascination with the Internet as a news source has not erased the influence of the other media, but definitely provides a competent alternative. Print, radio and television, struggling to survive the distraction of their readers, listeners and viewers, have altered their presentations, often emulating the Web pages with which they are competing for attention.
Innovation on the Web is in its glory with new technologies being put into use every day. Closing the gap between the Internet and television has been a preoccupation of a new generation of electronic engineers whose products are unpredictable. Nobody knows what is around the corner to replace what will then be called old-fashioned computer-mediated communication. Whatever follows will probably take younger members of society by surprise while the rest of us turn another page and yawn.
When various departments of the Canadian government first realized the Internet was here to stay, they set up some boards to plan for its development. As the World Wide Web was coming into its own in the private sector, the government began putting up Web sites, few of which are yet interactive. Though they engage specialists to manage their Internet components, government departments still maintain the old passive Web sites. Most of these government sites make little or no use of the feedback which would open their doors to all users, of any age.
While the Internet was growing in leaps and bounds, so did a steady stream of concerned citizens trying to control, plan, and regulate. These were the worriers who, when addressing conferences, could not get through a sentence without using the catch-phrase, "information super highway."
The thinking seemed to be that the use of the Internet was, in and of itself, a threat that could go out of control and destroy the world if not properly managed. Along with the good and the useful, the evil and the awful seemed to be too dangerously accessible.
As children in the 1920s, our first attempts at writing were on little wood-framed slates. From there we progressed through lead pencils and paper, pens with steel nibs and ink that stained our fingers and our pinafores, fountain pens with leaky rubber bulbs that were forever getting clogged, the ball point phenomenon, typewriters, manual and then electric, followed by a series of word processors.
In the business of printing and publishing, word processors are now a part of daily life, but there were times when staying on the cutting edge of the industry required the use of machinery that became obsolete before it had been paid for. First to replace handset monotype was Mergenthaler's ubiquitous Linotype monster that formed molten lead into each individual line of type. Then, when printing moved into its offset mode, there were those big blue Compuwriter dinosaurs on which we also typed blind, with still no screen to view our work in progress. Machines resembling today's computers came and went and when modems were introduced, we linked our 'puters together.
Cyberelders have adopted this medium, not as a technological challenge, but to share lifetimes of intelligence. With their peers, they also use it to exchange advice, converse, maintain health and finances, enjoy travel and adventure, care for and support one another, add infinite substance through volunteer activities, e-mail, and other online interaction.
Some alarmist notions are still expressed. The following e-mail came from a marketing company in British Columbia, Canada:
"Never before has the world seen anything like it. Not since the Industrial Revolution has there been so profound a transformation of the very fabric of our society. We're talking, of course, about the Internet - the global network of computers that has revolutionized the way people work, play and do business. Since 1993 - propelled by the phenomenon of the World Wide Web - the growth of the Internet has accelerated dramatically, doubling in size approximately every six months."
Well into 1997, several years after the Internet had already become part of our daily lives, and as familiar to many as the telephone, we were still being warned about a profound transformation. This transformation had actually taken place two or three years previously, and it hadn't yet seemed to me to be all that profound. I found the Internet to be interesting and useful. Fearful folk were perpetuating the notion that it had extra powers while I was trying to use it sensibly in a relaxed, intelligent manner, still to discover these extra powers.
New industries emerged to accommodate the demand for commercial Web sites. Thousands of vendors all over the world commenced to sell Internet access and Web page design. Anyone could hire one of these experts, though I felt it would be unwise to let them take over entirely. I still believe control of content should be kept in the hands of the Web site owner, not the Web master. Ideally, this should be the same person because whether it is an organization or an individual being represented on the Web, the site should not primarily be an advertisement for someone else's expertise. The value of having experienced people provide information could be lost if the entire project is taken over by clever youngsters.
In their third 1997 edition, SIGMA, the quarterly magazine of European Statisticians of the United Nations Economic Commission, published the main points of an address I had made at their annual convention, entitled Making Your World Wide Web site Worthwhile. I was surprised and considered it rather forward-looking on the part of UNEC to engage a 76-year-old woman for advice on practical Web site building and of course they were surprised as well. The arrangement had been made online, resulting from the recommendation of people who had read my book and had seen the daily updated Web site I built and maintain for the National Press Club of Canada. As more seniors take part in the World Wide Web, this recognition of the value of experience, regardless of hair colour and agility on skates, will become standard.
Although at that time few old people were engaged in this pursuit, seniors putting up their own Web sites on the Internet are now no longer an oddity. A few are noted in the following chapter and many more can be accessed through the Old Folks at Home on the World Wide Web site, which is also linked to everything else in this book.
Giving advice was beginning to be a habit because in 1996 I started writing advice for Richard Denesiuk, manager of SCIP, the Winnipeg based Creative Retirement Web site. A page in his Web site, which he calls "Ask Great Granny," attracts letters from around the world, mostly Canada, the U.S., and U.K. The original intent was to deal only with intergenerational problems but the spectrum soon widened to include every conceivable subject. Most of the correspondents are having trouble with daughters-in-law or mothers-in-law, but there are also questions about how to deal with difficult spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, children, siblings, parents, grandparents, bosses, employees, students, teachers and even next door neighbours.
"Dear Great Granny.
"I have a mother in law who lives with me, my husband, stepdaughter and my niece. We just adopted a 4 month old infant. We got our bundle of joy 3 weeks ago and I work
fulltime and want to spend every moment that I have with him. My mother in law, from the very beginning, was not exactly behind our adoption, but since our son is here wants to spend her own personal time bonding with him. I don't want someone else taking care of my son when I am home and don't want to leave the house so they can spend time alone together. My husband says I am being unreasonable. I told him I don't have a problem if she wants to hold him, but I don't feel I should have to leave for a couple hours for her to spend time with him. To me, I am just worried about the bonding and want him to recognize me as his "mother" since he just getting use to everyone. I am just confused and don't know if I am just being bitter since she didn't ! really support the adoption. Plus I look forward to taking care of my son when I get home...Please advise.
First time mother."
"Dear first time mother,
"Enjoy every minute you are with your new son and don't worry one bit about your mother in law spending time with him. As time goes on you'll be so glad that she is able to help and take over when needed.
"As for this 'bonding' thing - that's just a word in some book that has taken on a meaning that is not real. Forget you ever heard the term. Your son will know who his mother is. Teach him to say Mama. And teach him to say Granny - that's all there is to it.
"Talk with him a lot when you are with him. Read to him and sing to him, and listen to his gurgles as if he was saying something to you.
"Pick him up when he cries. Feed him or change him so he'll be comfortable. "Don't let anyone else tell you how to care for your baby.
"Try very hard not to tell your mother in law what to do because she probably knows even more than you do.
"Just be patient and do whatever you possibly can do to make that home a happy and cooperative one.
"Since you've decided to bring another child into your home, you owe him a happy home. He will be doubly well cared for with you AND your mother in law, AND those two big sisters - what a lucky little boy he is.
"Talk with them all a lot about keeping the house happy and cheerful so the baby will grow up well adjusted.
"Be the captain of the ship - don't be bossy, but be appreciative of all the help you can get.
"You are in charge but it doesn't mean they all have to do everything your way. Show by example what you think a mother should be to a baby - they'll get the idea and follow your lead.
"For goodness sake don't start counting the hours that you are with him, and others are with him. Truly - it doesn't make any difference.
"GG"
Thus far, in eight years, no two queries have been identical and the need for advice from an independent, understanding great granny continues. The SCIP project has grown, changing format with the times, but the same interpersonal questions keep coming to Ask Great Granny, and I answer them all.
Through this volunteer service I have especially recognized the extra powers of computer-mediated communication. While reading a long description of someone's terrible struggles with relatives or other people in their lives, my subconscious mind races away through my own four score years of experience. Before I am aware of how the sentences will end, my fingers start putting down words of solace, advice or encouragement. When I read over what is there, to check the spelling, grammar and syntax, I am stunned to see how accurately these answers apply to each individual's needs.
"Dear Great Granny, HELP!
"I need some good advice for my wonderful daughter-in-law...she is asking me. What time should a 5 year old boy be in bed at night? Also, how does she keep him from hitting, balking, having screaming fits when told 'no', and generally being generally disrespectful to her and his peers.
"He also gets up in the night and comes in their bed. She doesn't want him there, but my son is allowing him to come in to go back to sleep and then my son moves to his son's bed.
"Should she talk and explain why he shouldn't be doing things or what? She also is coping with an 18 month old son.
" You may prevent child abuse (only joking...these children are loved and adored by everyone in the family....maybe too much?) by helping us out here. Thank you and God give you sufficient wisdom to continue your good work.
"E.R."
"Dear E.R.
"First rule for survival of family is for mother in law to stay out of the bedrooms of her daughters in law. Nothing you can tell her about her child will help. Whatever you say will be considered to be criticism so let her solve her own problems.
" That you have gone through it all many years ago and have all the right answers matters not; all that matters is that she and your son must find out for themselves without being told.
"Hitting, balking and screaming sounds like they are trying to impose their own time schedule on the child. If they are puttin> him to bed because THEY are tired, it will never work.
"Eventually they will discover that putting him to bed when HE is tired makes more sense to him, and will also give them a more peaceful evening. As for which bed he falls asleep in, that's of no consequence. If his mother doesn't want him in her bed but his father does, then they have something to discuss. Hopefully it won't become a major battle; nothing could be worse for the> child than to have his parents fighting about him.
"As you say she is "coping" with an 18 month old son, this suggests that she's not enjoying motherhood. That's tragic.>
"There's no law about what time a 5 year old should be in bed. It all depends on the individual child. If he is afraid, sometimes a reason why they want to sleep with their parents, having a quiet time of reading before sleeping might help. Try letting him just poke around with his toys after supper until he is very tired. Then get out the book and let him read the words he recognizes as you go through a familiar story.
"If he is disrespectful to his his peers this is normal. Little boys don't know much about respect at that age. Make sure he never hears any of his elders showing disrespect to anyone at all. If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all - is good advice at any age. Your son should be starting to build a good relationship between his two sons. It is never too early to establish a feeling of brotherhood.
" All the above discussion is simply there to help you think about their situation but the most important advice anyone could ever give a mother in law is, stay out of it.
"GG"
"Great Granny, you have my undying admiration for your OBVIOUS advice. Didn't I already know to keep my nose out of my children's business? Of course. Was I doing that? NO! She's a smart girl and so is my son. You're absolutely right.
"They will have to figure out what to do just like I did and make THEIR own mistakes to learn. I taught Middle School kids for 25 years. You'd think I had learned somethings by now. You're a dear. I needed to be busy with my life anyway.
"E.R."
Not always that easy to take, the advice that comes to me to pass along nevertheless seems to be sound. In all these years only two people have written back in anger saying I didn't understand them, while I have a steady stream of responses from people who are genuinely thankful.
Looking back through old files to read some previous answers I'm always surprised. What is there doesn't seem to be my work. Not suggesting anything mysterious or paranormal about this phenomenon, it nevertheless is obvious the medium permits a facility that is not manifested by any other means known to me. It is definitely not the computer doing the thinking, it is just a more empowered me. Where McLuhan might infer that the medium has a voice, I would differ. The medium is not the message, but when it enables me, the message, though unleashed by this thought-releasing medium, is still mine.
The experience of writing from the gut, without deliberately thinking, opened my mind to another facet of the Internet. This medium was actually enabling me to be wiser than I knew. Responses to my letters startled me. People say I read their minds and that I have "seen" them so clearly.
All this appreciation is flattering but would not likely be engendered by a letter written slowly on paper. If I were to study the problem at hand and try to think through all the possible means of dealing with it, processing my thoughts through the usual good writing techniques I have studied and taught, the spirit of my response would be gone. The only way I can propose a solution to these people's problems is to put it down quickly and send it immediately, so they'll have help when they need it. They invariably appreciate the speed with which I speak to their conditions.
Inspiration does come from experience, giving credence to Richard Denesiuk's notion that a great grandmother qualifies for the task, and this automatic writing has nothing to do with demons, ghosts, possession or anything otherworldly. In fact, in my case, it is utterly this worldly. The machine at my fingertips is equipped to deliver random thoughts instantly. Reading of a person's difficulties brings to mind similar scenarios in my own previous knowledge, so I'm actually living through it with the person who wrote the letter to Great Granny. Usually, my automatic response includes several possible solutions.
Neither my answers, nor the letters I receive would be written using any other medium. Private life stories and detailed intimate problems can apparently be poured into e-mail to a fictitious "great granny" figure which would never be revealed using pen and ink. The writers of these letters doubtless find themselves in the same almost automatic writing mode as I do when tackling the responses.
Also swept away by imaginative word-smithing on the Internet, cyber pals find their fingers spelling out things they would never say to one another in person. It is possible to find out more about friends known only through e-mail correspondence, than friends who can be seen and touched. Words on the screen become the means of transforming the virtual into the actual.
When I first discovered this was happening, it strengthened my realization that the Internet is indeed much more than just another pencil. There is a new dimension of freedom engendered on the Internet. Reading what my peers were doing on the World Wide Web has made this phenomenon even more obvious.
Still in its formative years, the Internet and all its attending paraphernalia, constantly change. Everything involved is obsolete by the time a person has figured out how to use it. It's possible to stay grounded on the Web with old equipment but the trend is to upgrade but when every aspect of computer-mediated communication has moved on to another level, the experience of its users will still be paramount in any value it can bring.
However trivial, tentative and experimental may seem the uses being made of the Internet at present, there are benefits to be tallied. One large legacy of these first years is the opening of access to the wisdom of an older generation, which was in danger of going out of style, for all the wrong reasons.
BACK TO OLD FOLKS AT HOME ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB
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